My Rapist Father is My Pimp?

Does this title shock you? Are you rattled that someone would be bold enough to write such a thing?

Unfortunately, waking up to your rapist father also raping and pimping you out is a very real horror for untold children and young girls in our country. This was my reality.

I am a person conceived in incest/rape and a woman who has survived sexual assault and sex-trafficking at the hands of my biological father, step-father and other men for 16 years and several stand-alone rapes in my adult years. From all the years of sexual assaults and trafficking, I know of numerous pregnancies as a result. Sadly, I lost my babies conceived from sex trafficking through physically forced abortion.  The child conceived from the stranger rape was lost through miscarriage. I have spent the last four and a half years of my life researching in detail the plight of moms who get pregnant from sexual assault and the people (from the preborn to those alive today) who were conceived from sexual assault. Children conceived from sex-slavery/trafficking fall into this category.

While I experienced sex-slavery and trafficking, it didn’t hit me that the women trapped in this life would full under sexual assault conception until I began to dig deeper into my own story. As I realized that had I not been rescued by my church pastor in my sixteenth year of life, my stepfather would have continued to trafficked me. He had introduced me to a group of men and women who met at an indescriptive house to trade me and use me how they wished. There were also places around town that were used as meeting places. I was told just how beautiful and desirable I was.  Men would look on me as though they owned my body. I didn’t have a choice to say NO! I was told that I brought it on myself.

As I realized that I had not miscarried that first child that I saw leave me or any of there other children during those years, I remembered what really happened! It was then that the entire world of prostitution and sex trafficking changed for me.

While I have actually been pimped out to other men by my rapists and abusers, I also know what it is like to have my biological rapist father take what he wants from me. Despair and hopelessness filled my soul because for a time, it seemed that no matter where I turned, no one saw me! No one saw the blood running from my wounds. Family didn’t see it. “Friends” didn’t see it. There was no way out!

The GOOD CHRISTIANS looked the other way and said that I asked for it!

Do you realize how many young women in the trafficking industry are raped by the fathers that raped and impregnated their mothers?

They are being raped and pimped out by their biological fathers! Look at the sweet face of the baby girl in the picture above. She was already violated at that age by her rapist father! LET THAT SINK IN! Who will speak for her?

I am the little babe in the picture above. My innocence taken at nine months by my biological father who raped his teen daughter. He took me and abused and raped me until I was ten years old. I will be the voice that no one was for me and the voice of so many like me.

 Each of our cities and towns cry with the voices of the children and young ladies being raised by their rapist fathers who are now repeating the same horrid crimes and selling them for profit. Are your eyes and ears open? Can you see the trail of blood and tears? These ladies shop with us in the convenience stores, pass us with their heads down, yet are praying that we see their cries for help. So often we look right passed them.

I write this blog because I know that Christ Jesus loves each of these women! His heart aches for them. It is angered at the horrors that they live in each moment that they breathe. His tears fall for them when we look away. WILL YOU CONTINUE TO LOOK AWAY? WILL YOU REMAIN SILENT? We are called to speak up for those that do not have a voice! WILL YOU BE THAT VOICE? I, ROWENA ABIGAIL SLUSSER, WILL BE A VOICE!  

This issue can seem so overwhelming and heartbreaking. It can seem that there is no way to overcome such evil, but God’s word tells us that Christ in us is Greater that the evil one in the world! We fight in the Power of Christ Jesus. So, pick up your Sword and take your stand.

For more information on my organization, please visit http://www.facebook.com/treasureofvirtue

Abortion-It Was Not My Choice, But Where is My Baby?

I have hesitated speaking out about my abortion experience because I didn’t choose it. I was being raped by one of the father-figures in my life, and he was pimping me out to other men at age eleven. He told me that I would have no babies. I really didn’t understand what he meant until he took me to a place and ripped my baby out of my body. He did this often for 5 years.

During my eleventh year, I thought I was having a bad period, but it was the effects of the tools he used to make my baby die. I didn’t know I was pregnant, but he suspected. I never went to a clinic. He took care of the “problem” himself. I was eleven years old and really had no concept of what abortion was. When I became an adult and miscarried my first child with my now-husband, I realized that what I saw at age eleven was an 8 week old baby come out of me. I thought I miscarried because I had blocked out parts of the memories of the abortions performed on me. For years, I always assumed that I had gotten pregnant and miscarried that baby.

Then about nine months ago, I started to remember more clearly things that happened. I had pieces of the memories, but part of trauma is that the brain can block what is too painful to remember. One night I was sleeping and wake up screaming “There is no baby! There is no baby!”. Pain gripped my body, especially where my womb use to be. All the fussy images came together and I saw what I couldn’t handle seeing for so long. My rapist/pimp was his own god and decided that my baby and to go. Once I was able to calm down and process what I was reliving, I realized that the baby I lost at age eleven was indeed an abortion and not a miscarriage. Again, this man that should have been protecting me, routinely scraped me to kill any life growing in my body. I don’t know why I don’t remember my other babies, but I am sure that I will see a few in heaven.

I want to explain that abortion is a convenience to cover the crimes of incest, rape and trafficking. My perpetrator used his own means to rip growing life from my body. I wonder how many men got away with raping me while my pimp passed me out to church member and other men. How many times did his actions of performing abortions hide the children that would have possibly saved me. Imagine if there had been a clinic close by!

I was victimized over and over with the rape and trafficking, but I was also RAPED by the ABORTIONS. Our bodies were never intended to have our wombs emptied by outside forces coming in. (Ladies reading this post, I am so sad that my words will cause great pain. I truly do not intend to do that.) I know that this is deep, dark and painful, but I can tell you that if you go through with the abortion, every part of you will regret it. You will feel your body be angry with you. Your heart will have the deepest emptiness and no amount of words will make it okay! Please, I plead with you to listen to me because I am walking a path of great sorrow over abortions that I had no say over!

At this time, I am seeking counseling for the pain of this incredible loss. I struggle with thoughts that I could have ran away or I could have fought back. Often, my abuser would keep me in his darkened web by offering to spare my younger siblings from his abuse. I felt and do feel guilt for not fighting back or doing more. Now, I KNOW that I have no guilt or shame for what he did to me, but still those emotions can weigh heavy at times. I feel I am over emotional about the forced abortions and trafficking. I mean, I am suppose to be a Bible-believing, Spirit-filled Christian! Give it to God and move on, right? Nope, not so fast. My role model of faith is the Lord Jesus. He was in anguish leading up to the Cross! He didn’t skip the emotional mess of pain He was feeling.

Walking this journey of suffering, remembering, and healing brings a plethora of emotions and reactions from my body. I spend hours in the Word of God to renew my broken mind. I do this to retrain my brain to think on Christ life, death and resurrection because this is my foundation when my world quakes. I hurt so deeply that I do not have the words to describe how deep the ache and pain goes. I dream of my baby. I named my treasure Inocensio because he was innocent and so was I.

I plead with each man and woman who reads this to fight for women and their little hidden treasures from God! Abortion is murder and tears apart the heart of the mother and those around her. Fight for what is Right in God’s Eyes. He gives life! Women faced with the decision of life or death, look in the mirror and see the life in your eyes and know that your child has the same life in his or her eyes. I didn’t have a choice in the loss and murder of my treasure, my child. Precious reader, you do! Take a deep breathe, pray to the Lord Jesus for your heart to be softened to His voice. He will confirm what you already know…Your baby is alive and is a gift from God.

If you have had an abortion, I pass no judgement. Abortion is murder, and you must face your choice! You can face it without Christ, and I promise that you will not get far. The “healing” will not last because Christ Jesus is the Great Physician. You can face your choice with Christ, repent, be forgiven and walk in wholeness and freedom. I love you with the love of Christ! I pray for your restoration and redemption. There are resources for post-abortive care.

Finally, I close with hope and the knowledge that the LORD God has redeemed and restored my heart through the finished work of Christ Jesus. I will walk my path of healing, but I can rest in the Love of the Father God because of Jesus Christ the Son. I will have days where my C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation and Body memories seem to overwhelm me, BUT Christ reminds us, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9 (ESV)

If you wish to contact me, please email at treasureofvirtue@gmail.com or visit my Facebook ministry page: http://www.facebook.com/treasureofvirtue.

Blessings to you in Christ Jesus,

Rowena

Papa In You Alone

Silent Horrors fill the air,
How could he steal his daughter’s soul?
A Collision of seeds and her young womb screams,
“Who will this life be?”
“A Shame? A demon?
A daily reminder of these horrors to repeat?”
Month by month, change by change,
Her father’s child to come from her.

A Little baby crying , no real parents to love her.
Shame is her mother, Disgrace is her father.
Sent to a home named torment, full of lies, revulsion and insanity;
Her terror intensified as she came to understand that her body wasn’t hers.
In dismay and loathing, she would think, why should anyone care to love her?
After all, she was Just a product of violence, right?!
Shame is her mother and Disgrace is her father;
“Let them them have Me!!! Let them devour Me!!” She thought in self disgust.

But wait! A voice louder than thunder spoke. Rushing waters poured like a mighty wave.
“My daughter!” She heard, as her heart was soothed. and He gave her a name.
This moment happened before the violence,
Before the collision of seeds. Her eyes opened to see the unseen story. The Beauty.
How? You may wonder. You may even exclaim!
His Book gives the answers you seek.
Though no one thought her life had meaning or value,
He had the days of her life numbered before even one had ever happened.
He shaped and molded her body together, each intimate detail;
He hand-selected the color of paint for her eyes and hair, brushing each stroke to perfection.

Though He knew her adversity and pain that would scar her,
He had already redeemed her by His Son’s blood.
Her Kinsmen Redeemer never left her side,
As she trained and was equipped into the warrior-princess He called her to be.

Now she stands before you!

And I proudly praise the King of Kings!
Although my life was meant of be a curse of violence by the world and many around me,
The Lord Jesus is mighty to save!
This sinner, shameful and disgraced by my own sin and the many sins committed against me, has experienced a great exchange!
This Exchange is death for Life,
Given by Christ Jesus, through His finished work on the Cross!
Now My Father is the Holy and Anointed One, God the Father!
No longer a Disgrace or Shamed but His Daughter,
AND ONLY BY YOU ALONE! I LOVE YOU PAPA, MY FATHER!

 

I want to give a few quick references to the book mentioned above. Psalm 139:13-16, Ephesians 1:4-5, Ephesians 2:10, Romans 8:14-17. Please Look up these verses in the Bible. If you have questions, do not hesitate to ask me questions. I would love to share my faith in Christ with you. If you are a Christ-follower, struggling with your identity and need encouragement, please reach out. I love you all with His love for you! Blessing to you.