I was playing a game on my phone, losing over and over at a particular level. Frustration started to overtake me. Ha! Over a silly game, my emotions were having a party. I have experienced bigger failures than losing at a phone game, and not felt so defeated. I know that I can beat this level with just a few more moves. The thing is I don’t have any more moves left. I am running in circles in my head trying to figure out how to outsmart this level, and then It hits me. He hits me with an “aha” moment. This is what I look like when I try to run the race on my own. Do you know what I am talking about?
In the phone game, I can earn or buy power-ups or extra lives. In real life, I am either running on my own steam or by His strength. I cannot earn or buy anything to help me. There is only one name that has the power to redeem, rescue and save me in my race. So often as a Christian, it is easy to forget just how much the Gospel still applies to me. It applies to every part of my race to the finish line, to the goal. As today moved on, I struggled with the fact that until I have finished the race, I will carry this battle-worn body. This body and earthly mind have all the wounds and scars of the years of abuse. Just like in the game, I could run in circles trying to bypass what the Lord is walking me through on my own, or surrender to the difficult path and allow Him to do the work of unraveling my broken and messy heart.
Unlike my phone game, I didn’t succumb to failure. Instead, I journaled, turned on praise music and let my heart be free before the Founder and Perfecter of my faith, Christ Jesus.(Hebrews 12:1-2) Out of this time of unsettled waters, came the poem below. It is deep and real. I pray that anyone feeling trapped in any kind of abuse or trafficking would know that there is Power and hope in the Name of Christ. Please reach out.
Close My Eyes Close my eyes, I hear a song His hands move to the beat Rushing, rushing, beating, slow. Tears escape as I pray for the day to end Day one Close my eyes, I hear it again Hands move to the beat, different hands with his. Rushing, beating, slow and repeat Tears sink deep as I pray for the day or maybe the week to end. Two Close my body, I see the song play So many hands move to the beat, money and words mixing Rushing, beating, slow and repeat. Babies removed as tears rush through my prayers for the years to end Three Close my eyes, I hear a song Hands all around, don’t skip a beat Rushing, beating, slow and repeat. Tears, tears as I ask when will I belong to me? Four, Five, Six and on and on. Close my eyes, I hear a song Redemption’s Hands lift me up Ragged, blood rushing, heart half-beating Slowly tears of relief come Dear Christ Jesus: Day One Copyright 6July2020 Rowena Slusser
Rowena Abigail Slusser-Advocate, Author, Speaker 