My name is Rowena. I am a Christ-follower. I am a freedom-fighter for life. What does that mean? For the last twenty years, I have been fighting for my own personal freedom. I was a victim of incest, sex trafficking, rape and physically forced abortions. It was during the years of sex trafficking (five years total), I became pregnant many times.
While I never saw the inside of a clinic, I know the effects abortions have on the mind, spirit and body. For a sexual assault survivor, abortion is another type of assault. Now, I am a freedom-fighter for the lives and care of women who have become pregnant from sexual assault as they navigate making life-affirming choices for themselves and their child not yet born. This article is to enlighten the hearts and minds of those who want to better understand how to walk along side a women who is pregnant from sexual assault.
As I engage in conversation about walking along side women who are pregnant from various types of sex crimes, a common response or reaction I receive from hurt and angry survivors is that if they had gotten pregnant from rape that they would have had an abortion, but I promise that IT WOULD TRAUMATIZE THEM FURTHER. Often, the hurt survivor isn’t thinking about the process of abortion, which I will discuss in a bit more detail later. In these situations, it is so important to have empathy.
Surviving a brutal rape or years of being raped by a family member or being sold for sex is dehumanizing and causes great shame and false guilt. A survivor saying she would have an abortion is often speaking from this very place. Unless you have been in this deep dungeon of horror, you cannot understand where she is at. Tread lightly and with a soft and compassionate heart for her pain.
One of the biggest gaps in the rape exception line of thought is that we want to “force” women to carry a “rapist baby”. The woman who has suffered trauma needs tremendous love and care. She needs time to process what has happened to her. She needs time for her body to heal from the brutality of rape. This time is vital to her well being. Remember, she is working through a very deep trauma.
When she finds out she is pregnant, she needs time to breathe and take in the information without added outside pressure. There will be outside pressures to be sure. She will have questions and concerns. When she sees the doctor, she will likely be told that an abortion will make her life easier. As you hold her hand and speak life, don’t pressure her about the baby. God has given women a mother’s heart. Speak about how valuable her life is and the life of her baby.
This strong, yet broken woman needs time to adjust to what is happening. It as been anywhere from 5 weeks to a few months since her assault. She needs loving support to help hold her up and speak Life into her. She needs to hear that it is okay to not be okay. She needs to hear that it will eventually be okay. She needs to hear that she isn’t a freak for carrying a baby from rape.
She is going to be hearing things like, “How can you stand to carry the RAPIST BABY?”, “Get rid of it. It is DEMON SPAWN!”, “An abortion will help you heal faster.”, or “What if that THING looks like your RAPIST?”
As you can see, the survivor is still under attack when she find out that she is pregnant. What she needs to hear from those of us, who say that we stand for life, is that she is beautiful, she can and will heal, and that the life she is carrying in her is a gift. She needs to know that SHE MATTERS IN THIS WHOLE PROCESS! The more this woman is nurtured and cared for, the more she will flourish and make life-affirming choices.
So far I have talked about what some of the needs of the survivor are. Now I want to highlight how harmful abortion is for a pregnant sexual assault survivor. What I am about to describe is disturbing, so brace yourself. Do you know what is happening in the procedure of an abortion? If you are not sure, please visit https://www.abortionprocedures.com for small videos that illustrate what abortions look like at each stage of pregnancy. The action of an abortion is taking place in the very part of the survivor’s body that was so forcibly traumatized. Her body will need time to heal from the trauma of rape. The suggestion of abortion will likely cause her body to have unconscious reactions due to the thought of having anything near the vaginal area. Most people do not think about these kinds of details when they say that abortion in the case of rape is acceptable. Please education yourself and others about what abortion truly is and does to better love and care for these mothers.
Stop sending her to slaughter houses that perpetuate further abuse on her after a rape or other sexual exploitations. I know that the terminology is gruesome sounding, but think about what happened to the survivor you are caring for and what would happen in the clinic. The wording is fitting, given what she has already overcome. Instead, love her, stand by her, fight for her and her baby. Show her how precious she is and her child. Speak truth and shine light into the darkness around her. Combat the lies about her situation with truth. Let her love you back and therefore allowing her love to flourish for her baby. Think about it. As you embrace this woman, you are a God-given bridge to her healing and wholeness.
Encourage her to talk about her thoughts and feeling about the baby. Use encouraging and life-affirming words. Don’t identify the pregnancy with the sexual assault. This will happen enough from other sources including her own processing. This is her child, her baby. Let me repeat this again…
Her child. Her baby.
As her heart calms, she will see the hope of the life growing inside her.
Anyone who loves and cares for a survivor mother will not suggest abortion after a sexual assault.
While there is so much more that I could say about this topic, I will add this final point: I know that there are “pro-lifers” out there that only seem to care about the baby. THIS IS WRONG! I have seen comments saying how bad rape is, but that murdering a baby is worse. Did you know that in the Old Testament of the Bible, both murder and rape were punishable by death? How dare anyone of you tell a survivor of sexual assault that her trauma is bad, but if you murder your baby, you are worse. There is no love or compassion in this comment. THIS WILL NOT LEAD HER TO MAKE A LIFE AFFIRMING CHOICE. Instead she will run from you. As people who claim to stand for life, we need to take a survivor’s hand and walk with her through the storm before her with encouragement, life-affirming words and compassion.
Could we see a woman who conceives from sexual assault choosing abortion? It is possible because she is a broken woman, scared and feelings alone. Should we condemn her or shun her? A Big Resounding NO! We love her and speak the truth of the Gospel to her. We realize that her wounds are now doubled.
I pray that this helps someone, more that just someone, many people who struggle with the rape exception. There are no exception in life. God creates all human life in His image, in His likeness. We should cherish and fight to give dignity to the survivor and her child when they are at their most vulnerable.
Remember, I am no stranger to abortion. Lives were stolen from me. Too many to count. I was raped by countless men as my body was sold. Then I was raped under the word “abortion”. STOP USING THIS TO ALLOW CHILDREN TO BE MURDERED AND WOMEN TO BE FURTHER TRAUMATIZED.
Be a Freedom-Fighter for Life.
Rowena Abigail Slusser-Advocate, Author, Speaker 