Surviving Rape/Incest Conception and Other Dungeons of Life

Since first sharing my story, I have realized that my reasons for sharing have grown and yet narrowed. I desire deeply for women and children (preborn and onward) to have a voice because sexual violence leads to more violence. As I have walked on my journey of healing, I have come to understand more and more that the Lord Jesus truly understands and heals the brokenhearted. My conception and the first half of my life broke me into millions of pieces that will not be healed this side of heaven, but in the process, I share my story, shining the LIGHT into darkness and giving voice to the voiceless and spreading Hope to those who have none.

I was conceived in father/daughter rape-incest. My biological mother, who I will call Rebecca, was molested by her father throughout her childhood and was 15 when I was born. She was offered an abortion by a doctor who had asked her if she had been a “bad girl,” to which she responded that she had not, because she really had no understanding of what her father had been doing to her. This doctor completely failed to help her break free from the cycle incest and rape. In fact, Child Protective Services also failed to protect my biological mom, even though they were called by the school authorities, and while at school my mom told them what was happening. Nevertheless, they ultimately sent her home to be abused for several more years. Despite the pressure to abort, once my biological mother knew she was pregnant, she understood that a life was growing inside of her which she could not kill, and so, she refused the abortion and chose to bring me to birth.

When I was born, Rebecca said she loved me like a baby doll, but did not know how to care for me. As a result, her parents, Ruben and Rosa, raised me as their own until I was 10 years old. At around four years of age, Rebecca, who I thought was my older sister, told me that she was my mom. Since I didn’t believe her, I asked Ruben and Rosa if this was true, and they confirmed for me that it was indeed true — they said that what my birth-mom said was correct and that she really was my mother. I remember feeling confused and disoriented among other things. To help myself deal with the confusion, I would call Rosa mom or mamma, and my birth-mom, I would call Becky or mother. I remember feeling weird in public because Rebecca was my sister to the public. Overall, I still saw her as my sister and friend, even though I knew she was my mother. (During this period of time from ages 0 until I was 10 years old, I knew my birth-mom and her siblings as my siblings. I grew to love them as such. Even after I found out the truth, I still loved these people as my siblings, except my birthmom.)

My earliest memory of abuse is as a baby. My father, Ruben, started to physically and sexually abuse me from around 9 months until I was 10 years old. In once instance, my childhood mama Rosa, even caught him and threatened to divorce him if he ever did it again, but I was too scared to tell her what was happening. I knew what he was doing was bad, though I didn’t know the name for it. I knew that he was bothering me and I didn’t like it. He was a big man (350+ lbs) and he was violent, so I was terrified of him. I felt so dirty, defiled and ashamed. There were other men that sexual abused me. These were relatives such as an older brother, uncles and older cousins. Men at the churches we would attend would find ways to touch me. My mind is full of so many memories of the sexual abuse and a great deal of pain in recounting any of them.

Rebecca did her best to protect me. One of my memories of her protecting me was around the age 8 or 9. My father was upset with me about not doing a chore right, so my biological-mom told me to hide under the sink and be real quiet. I did, but felt guilty because I knew what he would do to her. Sure enough, he gave her my beating. I could hear it and see what was happening from a small hole. Other times, she would ask me if Dad was “bothering” me. I know I would tell her both no and yes. She would ask me if I would want to go or stay if she ever left, and I would tell her that I definitely wanted her to go! Finally, on November 16, 1988, she secretly took me out of school with the help of our oldest sister, Rachel. Rebecca and I ran away with family friends to Plainview, TX, and it was about 7 years before I saw my father or my childhood mama again.

During the investigation into my dad for the incest and rape, my biological mom told me the truth – that my father had sexually abused her as well, and that I was a result of that abuse. It didn’t shock me because I had a feeling he had been doing the same things to her, but I definitely felt confused, gross, ashamed, and worthless, and wondered how my biological mother could really love me.

Plainview was supposed to be a new start, but unfortunately, we ended up in an abusive cycle again. Rebecca met my step-father at church, and he was a charmer. He swept my mom off her feet. I don’t remember exactly how I felt about him, but I do know that I wasn’t happy that he was taking my mom away. He started the grooming process with me by taking me on “dates” to get to know me, so that I would be comfortable with him and my bio-mother together (so he said to me). Shortly after my 11th birthday, he talked my mom into letting me spend the night with him and his girls, and she took his youngest son. That night, my future step-father sexually abused me. I tried to tell my mom, but the church we were going to gave her bad advice, and they blamed me. After that, I felt alone and trapped as he sexually abused me and began trafficking me over the next five years.

At age 11, I became pregnant by my step-father, though hadn’t realized at the time that I was actually pregnant because I didn’t understand what was going on with my body, and now that I’ve experienced five miscarriages in my life, I realize that I was pregnant by him, ending sadly in a forced abortion. He had told me that if I ever got pregnant, he would force me to have an abortion.

I was sold to men in the church that had initially blamed me for the sexual abuse. I was sold or traded to men or groups of men. I didn’t know how to be a “normal” preteen or teenager. I walked around thinking that every male wanted sex or something sexual in nature from me and take it if given the opportunity.

Until after my sixteenth birthday, I was trapped in a very destructive relationship with my step-father. He was completely warped and told me strange things such as that he wanted to marry me and wanted me to raise my younger sisters and brother. I prayed for a way out! I thought that I would suffocate from the inside and out. My way out was close, though I didn’t know that at the time.

My family started going to a new church. This church would be the path to freedom that God used to end the abuse. One day, in June of 1994, my biological mother walked in on my step-father raping me. I had turned 16 months earlier. The feeling of doom was so thick, I was smothered by it. I was sure that my bio-mom was going to send me away, but the next day, she went to our pastor and told him what happened. This time, the pastor called the police. Finally, my cage door was opened!

He was arrested and charged, the grand jury indicted him, but then the prosecutor cut a plea bargain to a lessor charge, so he spent 10 years in prison. Before he went to prison, my birth-mom, Rebecca divorced him. Although some would call this justice, I remember feeling at the time very upset that I did not have my say in Court and I wanted my voice to be heard. Finally after all of these years, I have the opportunity to be heard!

I have survived sexual assault and rape by my biological father, uncle, half-brother, step-father and other men. I have also been trafficked to strangers and acquaintances for sex by one of my perpetrators. Physically forced abortion were a normal occurrence in my life. Many other atrocities have happened to me that would fill a book, but that is a future endeavor. As my heart and mind heal, my memories become clear, and this is a painful process. However, healing is beautiful and wholesome.

Healing started to happen as I sought out counseling. At the age of 19, I met my future husband. He was the first man who treated me with respect and dignity. As a survivor, I didn’t know how to receive this man’s love for me. It took quite a bit of work for my heart to begin to trust him. We dated for two years before getting married in October of 1999, and he’s been my biggest supporter.

While my husband was away for training with the United States Navy, when I was 22 years old, I was raped by a stranger in a home invasion while I was sleeping. I did everything “right” – I went to the hospital where we reported it to the police, and I had a rape kit done. I was offered the Morning After pill, but I declined because I knew the risks involved. The perpetrator was never caught. My husband came home within 48 hours of the rape, and we moved to a new location for obvious reasons.

About a month later, I had a positive home pregnancy test. I was scared and alone. My husband was back at Naval Training again. I went to a pregnancy clinic, not knowing the difference between a pro-life pregnancy resource and an abortion-friendly clinic which encourages and refers out for abortions. At this clinic, I was strongly encouraged to have an abortion — particularly because I was pregnant by rape. I was completely shocked and appalled! I told them I did not want an abortion, and I promptly left. I told my husband that I was pregnant, and I asked him if he would raise the child with me. I was so scared that he might say no! He told me that just as I was a miracle, this child is also a miracle, and that he would love the child like his own. In that moment, I felt secure and protected, but at the same time, I felt unworthy of such unconditional love. Within another month, I began to bleed, and I miscarried. I had a accepted the fact that I was going to have a baby, and felt sad realizing that the baby’s life was gone. In the years since, I have grieved the life of this child and gave the baby a name: Delaiah Rose.

I have had five miscarriages and the doctors told me that it was my genetic makeup due to my conception which makes me more susceptible to miscarriages. Gratefully, my husband and I have two healthy children together. My path of healing takes so much hard work, but it is worth it — God has been so gracious to me! I reconciled with my biological father before he died and forgave him. Working with my biological-mom to rebuild a broken and confused relationship is a process and ongoing. I am a Christian and find my Hope in Jesus Christ. I have come to a place of peace about my conception and I can now voice my deep found identity in the One who created me.

I have now shared my story as person who was conceived in incest/rape to educate the public about the my people group, sharing how moms and children affected by sexual assault conception need love and support. I am also a sexual assault and trafficking survivor advocate and speaker with church groups, youth groups, college groups, in the media and testifying before the state Legislature. I desire to speak to the value of life — even the lives of those who, like me, were conceived in incest and/or rape. As I have come to see my life as a precious gift given to me, I want the unborn lives of all to be protected from abortion, and I want every child to be protected from sexual assault.

I am about to celebrate 23 years of marriage with my husband Casey. We have two beautiful children — a son and a daughter. My family and I attend a local Baptist church in Albuquerque, NM. I will graduate in May of ‘23 with my interdisciplinary with focuses in Behavioral science and Christian leadership. I hope to become a professional Christian/Biblical counselor specializing in providing help and care for survivors of sexual assault conception and sex trafficking. I have started an organization called Treasure of Virtue (ToV). ToV was created to bring resources together for women who conceive from sexual assault and the children who were conceived in sexual assault. I know God is calling me to use my story to offer hope and healing to others, and to show His Redemption, faithfulness, grace and goodness in my life! If you would like me to speak at your event or are looking for more information, you can contact me at treasureofvirtue@gmail.com. Also visit, like and share my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/treasureofvirtue